Have you ever been in a relationship where you are only in it just for the sole purpose of satisfying your sexual urge? Or have you been the sex victim in a relationship where your partner only appreciates you for the fact that you are instrumental to that person’s orgasm? Well, if you’ve never experienced any, it’s best you stop reading now as you just won’t understand the feeling.
Unfortunately, I’ve worn both shoes without knowing. I’ve lived almost all my life without knowing what relationship and love felt like; they are like two words I hear every day but can’t fully grasp its meaning, it has no place in my very distinct but self-exalted dictionary, not until more recently though.
Rewind just a few years back, I had a certain lady in my life Funke (real name switched), she had huge feelings for me, literally she could do anything for me and all she wanted was not even for me to feel same way but at least half the way she felt; I couldn’t, as in my hearts I was just a rare super human.
Oh! I forgot to introduce myself; I’m one of those men out there who have unlimited urge for sex and that was the only thing I ever felt was necessary; if it isn’t sex then it isn’t important was my motto, little wonder my friends call me Jack the giant slayer. All I ever wanted from ladies was sex and more sex, that’s all that attracted me.
Now back to my story of Funke, she is what I’d call the dream woman of so many men out there; she was special, caring and beautiful as well, but for some unexplainable reasons I just couldn’t fall in love with her even though I tried to force it. I had so many other Funke’s and I changed them at will, every day a different lady; I was fulfilled or so I thought.
On a very normal day when out with friends, I met a gorgeous lady who had charming eyes, she actually was the most beautiful lady I had ever seen; we got talking and I found myself talking about everything with her; as we talked she smiled softly leaving dimples by her cheeks, it sent butterflies round my tummy, I wanted more.
We had dates, lots of them, can’t guess how many, and then we had sex. I thought the way I felt about her would die after having sex with her, but it didn’t, I never knew it was the start of a journey I would never finish. I finally found myself falling in love, my friends laughed at me with an ‘I told you so’ hanging all over their faces; though I was too proud to admit my feelings. I gradually let go of Funke and all the ladies I had in my life, couldn’t be with anyone else but this lady I had just met.
I was in with this lady, I was stuck and I knew it. The worst part is, I didn’t know how she felt for me; I was travelling on a road which I’ve never been before, no map and no experience. She replied my ‘I love you’ with a not too convincing ‘me too’; it always came out heavy and forced from her mouth and I knew it, but I could do nothing, all I did was hope and hope I did.
Unfortunately, my worst fears came to pass; I thought I was prepared but so ill-prepared I was to face a battle I thought I knew all about. She ended the relationship as she thought I was taking it too serious, she tried to explain to me that all she wanted was a little fun and never wanted anything too serious. She tried to be polite, she tried to say it in a not too harsh way, her dimples were still cute and her face looked lively as ever, but I knew too well and I got the message; she was kind or probably weird enough to ask for a parting sex which I bluntly refused; I had learned.
She gave me a taste of my own medicine, and how bitter it did taste; I was hurt terribly and it dawned on me how I made Funke felt and all the ladies I’ve been with. I felt bad for them and I wish I had been a better man, sometimes we get to feel pain to learn and I’m a firsthand experience of that.
I couldn’t right my past but I could make the future right. With my experience, I learned that using one just for the selfish purpose of sexual satisfaction is demeaning; if you are not in the relationship to have a relationship then forget about the relationship.
Anonymous