Researchers have found that couples who are decisive before marriage – intentionally defining their relationships, living together and planning a wedding – appear to have better marriages than couples who simply let inertia carry them through major transitions, reports The New York Times.
The researchers analysed the relationships of 1,294 young adults aged 18 to 34 to arrive at this conclusion.
The researchers also found that people who had only one sexual partner (their eventual spouse) reported higher marriage quality than people who had multiple sexual partners.
Couples who started out in a casual sexual relationship were less likely to have a high-quality marriage.
“Making decisions and talking things through with partners is important,” said Galena K. Rhodes, a relationship researcher at the University of Denver and co-author of the study. “When you make an intentional decision, you are more likely to follow through on that.”
“Couples who slide through their relationship transitions have poorer marital quality than those who make intentional decisions about major milestones.”
Dr Scott Stanley, a research professor at the University of Denver and co-author of the study believes many couples end up sliding into big decisions – rather than making them – as a way to avoid the talk that helps define a relationship and shared commitment.
“People are not even clear now on what’s a date, what’s not a date, what are the rules,” Dr Stanley said.
“At the individual level, know who you are and what you are about, and make decisions when it counts rather than letting things slide.
“Once you are a couple, do the same thing in terms of how you approach major transitions in your relationship.”
Phil