SHAWN
I’m sorry to disappoint you; a lie would never help your relationship, no matter what you think. You may think I’m being too overly righteous and judgmental but that’s the truth.
It all starts with a little lie and then there just might be another little lie to cover the previous and yet another one; and it keeps going on and on till you have told quite a number of lies.
No relationship can stand on the foundation of lies. Whether you like it or not a lie means betrayal. Relationships should be built on trust and honesty; when a little lie comes in between that trust and honesty, so many other evils would as well follow and the lie you told could probably be the thing that would destroy your relationship and you wouldn’t even know.
Let me ask a little practical question, what if your partner you told a lie to finds out the truth later on? How do you hold your head after that? How do gain back that trust after that? The fact you told a simple lie today doesn’t mean the truth may not come out tomorrow. If you can tell a lie to your partner, you can as well do so many other things; it always starts with a little lie. Nothing should be too big to tell your partner; if you feel it’s too big then it’s best to avoid the act that would lead you to tell a lie. By the way, how would you feel if your partner told you a lie? You would feel hurt and betrayed; do unto your partner what you want your partner to do to you; that’s the essential to every successful relationship.
That’s our take on today’s edition on our Sunday Love Special. Can you tell a lie to save your relationship?
I will tell my partner the truth and expect her to tell me the truth even if she had engaged in sexual affair with a man. It will not affect our relationship. You tell somebody the truth, even if you are to be put to death, the respect you live will be a lasting one. Don’t be afraid of death and accept hell with open hands or allowing that lie to hunt you latter.
Always make sure you tell her the truth because for certain, your nosey mother-in-law or somebody else will tell. If you do not tell her the truth, others will surprise her with their own versions of the truth. If you have told her the truth, whatever is added to that truth will sound like pin-drop at a Night Club blasting with Jay-Z and Beyonce.
In any situation, it is how you get-in such a situation, your expectations of what such a relationship will be that has potentials of bringing huddles or smooth-sailing in the future. If you leave, it is that expectation/s that brings pain or accelerates a continued friendship.
Our African fathers marry 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 to twelve wives. Most, if not all are healthy relationships to a greater extent. The fights are not mainly about sex but the truth and diplomacy the husband adopts among the women and children.
The success of any relationship is built upon the truth and cooperation.
When love is about we, us and not solely me, the tendency for progress to come out of such a relationship is greater.
If a relationship is about who looks like what or about sex, when those characteristics dissipate, when those characteristics go, they go with the partner (love?) if that is what you call your partner.
If love is not about the heart, the companionship, the holding hands, the jokes we tell, the sweet music we dance together, the simple memories and the truth, but circumvents around sex, material things and looks, such a man or woman will not grow old with you. It is not for worst but for better and when the better goes, so goes the relationship.
Any relationship that is not built upon give-and-take will be a failed relationship.
Our fathers married our mothers since they were teenagers. They stayed married until all of them got old, some died at their nineties, still married. They already knew they were married to other women and having children with them. Guess what? The first woman in the house is respected and the respect is continuous, extends to the children and even extended families. Truth is about respect. If lie to some people or anybody, you have disrespected them. Disrespect brings lasting anger even hate.
I don’t want this to be conceived that I am a promoter of polygamy especially, the way it is practiced in Western democracies, where men turn women into slaves and completely ignorant of the outside world. Any world outside their communities become condemned places so as to have full and undignified control of the women and their children. The women’s minds and their children’s minds. I do not condone such enslament.
With the advent of modern civilizations, different from the types our parents functioned in, I would not wish to engage in any polygamous relationship.
What I am eluding to however, is that, if the same principles applied in their marriages, where the true meaning of love was expressed, to current day civilization, I see no reason how telling lies to your partner would be productive.
I cannot say I haven’t told a lie to somebody but I can assure you that in all eight girlfriends I had at the same time, I have never lied to anyone of them. Some of them knew each other, some of them did not like each other, I don’t why, but I always made sure there was mutual respect among them. Whenever there was an argument or some such of jealousy and one happened to disrespect the other, I told each where she went wrong and requests that she apologized to the one she offended. I always made sure, I let them know that the other lady was not to blame and THAT I WAS HOLLY AND SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MIX-UP. I never lied to any of them. I had no reason to. I was a teenager, dumb, irresponsible but very much loving and caring.
There is one among those eight that I have great respect for because she told me the truth about a relationship she was in while I was in college. I did not ask her whether she had a boyfriend while I was gone or not but she offered to tell me when I returned home. I did not get mad at her, I only told her to tell the man, in my presence, while I am standing distancesssss from the man, that she did not want him she wanted only me. She did. It was the very man that separated us. But to this day, I have great respect for her though we are not together.
While in the United States, another woman I was involved with, had an affair with a “friend of mine. I suspected it and asked her about it. She told me she did, so I asked her to call the guy, which she did. While I was sited there, I asked her to tell the guy that she had told me about their affair. The guy replied that that is what friends are for. I continued with the same woman, we visited places, where the friend visited but I never showed any difference towards him, I never asked him and never allowed that affair to come between my relationship with the lady.
The truth brings the best human in you than you would even imagine. It is very difficult to bare when sinks-in gradually and when it finally sinks-in, such a person will always have space in their hearts for you.
You would not imagine a woman you have not seen for twenty + years, sees you and slaps you with an unexpected kiss. The truth of who you are to yourself and to her, last a very long time.
I will not tell a lie to my partner. I would hate to stand in court to lie for an offense somebody committed. I don’t know how that might feel like but I hope someone does in my family does not commit a crime that they deserve imprisonment for. I will sacrifice my life to defend them when injustice is meted to them but that is far as I go. I expect them to do the same for but I do not expect them to lie for me because I love them so much that I have never, will never , shall never put them in that position to lie for me or I go to jail. Never.
If I do, live me to rut in jail because if I love you, I should protect myself from putting you in such predicament.