The reason many marriage become unhappy isn’t always because the partners stopped loving each other, but because the marriage reach a rut. Once the marriage starts to rut, unhappiness and complacency will follow; you’ll forget that you are living the dream and you are with the man/woman of your dreams; you’d easily forget all the good reasons you got married in the first place and your married life will be a mere routine.
Marriage should be more than that, and it can only be this way when you keep it fresh, and then you can go 10, 20, 30 years and still be happy with each other.
How do you add that freshness?
1. LIVE YOUR SEPARATE LIVES
Yes you are a couple, you live together, you do things together, you share your lives with each other; this is good, but you shouldn’t forget to live your own life despite this and seek your own fulfillment in life while still under the umbrella of marriage. When you both have fulfilled lives intertwined in each other, you tend to be happier than normal; this would add a different spice to the marriage.
2. HAVE SPONTANEOUS SEX
Spontaneous sex will have thrice the effect of planned sex. Spontaneous sex will add a thrilling effect to your marriage, while planned sex will make the sex become boring and stale — and when this happens, your marriage will suffer rot.
As couples grow older, they tend to see sex as a routine they should plan for, and that’s usually where the rut starts.
3. HAVE FUN
You know why it seems relationships are fun than marriage? It’s simply because young people in relationships seek fun and couples who are married don’t; it’s an irony that keeps playing on generation after generation.
Have fun with your partner, have fun with friends, collectively or individually. When your lives are exciting, the marriage will be too.
4. DO ONE THING FOR EACH OTHER EVERY DAY
Do one thing (no matter how little) for your partner each day. When couples have this mentality towards each other and do things for each other every day, it will be difficult for that marriage to reach a rut. It’s like using a shovel every day — it wouldn’t get dusty or rusty compared to when you don’t use it once a month. Never forget this!
5. NEVER FORGET DATE NIGHTS
Having date nights once a week will keep your marriage far from a marriage counsellor. Like the saying goes ‘date nights are less expensive than marriage counselling’. Read this article.
6. IT’S OKAY TO HAVE PERSONAL VACATIONS
Take vacations with each other, and if it’s possible take personal vacations. Give each other time to miss yourselves, and let it be a time to clear your heads and meditate. But then, it shouldn’t be long and it should only be with the permission of your spouse, but I think it’s healthy to take personal vacations and have a quiet time to reach out to your inner man.
It shouldn’t just be about celebrating anniversaries; let it be that with each year and decade celebrated, that love and happiness will as well be celebrated.
Shawn