I’m sure you’ve found yourself thinking the same exact thing — “Why do the same type of men/ women keep coming my way when I clearly want something different and new?” “Why do deceptive and lying people keep coming to date me, and why do I keep falling for them?”

Well, there are so many reasons why most of us find ourselves in that unfortunate position more often than not, but I’ll narrow them down to just two.

There’s a popular saying that goes, “you are what you attract”. It’s difficult to acknowledge and admit, but the truth is most of us crying and wishing for something wonderful and sweet aren’t anything wonderful and sweet — cold, but true. You can’t be looking for a good man or woman in your life when you’re not so good yourself; you get what you give. It’s sad, but true, and that’s one of the reasons why some of us are stuck with ‘bad’ when we clearly want ‘amazing’.

The other reason is the circle of friends we keep. It’s difficult to let go of people you’ve known for most of your life, yeah, I get it, but they say ‘drastic situations require drastic measures.’ If you want something to change about your life, you have to do something about it even if it means sacrificing some things or people eventually. The more you hang with the same people, the likelier it is to keep meeting the same sort of people, because most of the time, the people we date are usually friends or colleagues/ relatives of those we chill with. If I am bad, and I’m friends with someone, there’s a 50% chance they’re bad too, so if you got involved with them, well…you know the rest.

Finally, you’re stuck with the same kind of people when it comes to dating because you’ve not really made a conscious decision to change the narrative. You have to acknowledge that you are in a bad position, and then, you can change it. How do you change it? By being more careful with the people you accept in your life as a partner. Anybody can tell you they love and care about you, but not everyone would mean it. So absolute care and caution is required to escape the evil ones. You need to be very patient in making your decision as to who you date. Haste will most likely land you in trouble, so be calm and study and understand before you let them in, and that way, you’ll be a lot happier.

It’s never an easy task choosing the perfect partner, but with a little patience and understanding, we will get it right more often than not.