On ‘The Hangout’ yesterday, a radio show i do with some of my friends, we talked about this topic, and it did provoke a lot of reactions. That is why I have decided to talk about it here as well. On the show, we’re limited by time, so you cannot really say all you have on your mind, but here…I definitely can and will. Lol.
I’m would go right ahead and explain what it means to be friends with benefits with someone because I think everyone pretty much understands what it means to be in a serious relationship.
Being friends with benefits with someone means that you are together, but not really together. You are dating them, but there’s no commitment attached to the arrangement, and you’re not expected to perform boyfriend/girlfriend duties other than have sex, keep each other company and hang out. You’re also allowed to see other people if you want to, and none of you is expected to catch feelings (that’s the crazy part). People have had this sort of arrangement in the past (even presently), and while it’s worked for some, it’s failed and ended badly in most cases.
The truth about FWB (friends with benefits) arrangements is that there’s usually more to it than both parties want to admit. To be FWB with someone, you need to have an already existing friendship with them, and most times, you find that one person is already developing strong emotional feelings for the other person, and even when there are no feelings in the beginning, along the line in that relationship, feelings are likely to creep in. Remember, we’re talking about 2 grown up people who spend time together, do things that friends do together, have sex together, and you think that one of them wouldn’t feel attached to the other along the way? I think it’ll definitely happen. We humans are animals, so that animalistic tendency of wanting love and affection exclusively will surely take its toll, and when that happens, jealousy, anger distrust and all those things that are unhealthy for any relationship will creep in. This is why most FWB arrangements have failed and ended badly.
Yes, there’s an agreement to do anything you like while in that relationship, but you can never cheat human nature; you or they will get attached eventually, and then, be unable to stand the torture and jealousy of knowing that you or they are seeing other people. I have seen it happen countless times, so why do it? The reason why most persons go into FWB arrangements is because they’re just not honest to themselves enough to say what they really want. Some people want to have something serious, but because they do not want to seem ‘uncool’ or lose out completely on the chance of being with the other person, they opt for a FWB arrangement. The other reason why some people get into a FWB arrangement is because they suffered heartbreak in a previous serious relationship they had, so they decide to completely stay away from commitment. Whatever the reason is, i still think that FWB arrangement is not a good option.
A serious relationship, on the other hand, offers you a lot better. With it, you get stability, focus, and some degree of peace. I’m not saying that serious relationships do not end badly sometimes, but I think it’s more secure than a FWB arrangement. It’s an exclusive relationship; so there’s little room for insecurity and jealousy, unless there’s strong evidence to the contrary. As a man or woman who has plans of getting married and settling down someday, this sort of relationship offers you a platform to work towards and achieve that. It also teaches you how to be a better partner. So, you consider these points, and it’s easy to know why it’s a lot better to be in a serious relationship than in an open one. But then, this is just my point of view; if you think you can handle a FWB arrangement, why not?
Drama