A good woman is a blessing to her husband and family, and a bad woman can be the very termite that eats down her own home. I know that in a marriage, there is bound to be problems and disagreements, and sometimes, it’s not the woman’s fault because men also err too, however, today I’ll be looking towards the woman’s direction.
There are dozens of women out there, who engage in activities that are potentially harmful to their marriages without knowing it. Sometimes, their actions are influenced by the things they hear from friends, other times it’s the larger society, or the sort of upbringing they were given as children— so they’re not really aware of the implications of their actions and what damage it could cause to their homes. Marriages have been broken for some of these mistakes, so I thought I’d talk about them, and maybe save a few more from going down the same route.
Here are 7 of the common (but potentially costly) mistakes married women make.
1. FAILURE TO FULLY ACCEPT YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW AND SIBLINGS-IN- LAW AS YOUR OWN
A home that is built on hate cannot last. I say this because whether you choose to believe it or not, when you marry a man, indirectly, you also marry his family (his mother, father, and siblings). So you have to come to terms with the fact that they’ll remain a part of his life, even after he’s married. He cannot cut them off, stop giving them money or stop allowing them come visit your home; they’re his family, and that is the way it is. Put yourself in his position — how do you think you’d feel if your husband developed an unexplained hatred for your family? Devastated right? That is how men feel when you try to stop them from being close to their family.
So don’t let that hatred creep into your heart because it can tear a home apart. The simple truth about women who disagree with their husband’s families is that more often than not, there is no real reason for their actions, except that they only feel threatened — so it’s all in the mind. Sometimes, these people do not wish you any harm, really, and if they do disagree with you in certain things, it maybe their own way of trying to set you right. Of course, I’m not disputing the fact that there are instances where the family of the man are really a complete pain, but i think it’s rare, and it’s more psychological than not.
2. DENYING YOUR HUSBAND SOME AFFECTION BECAUSE OF THE KIDS
It’s really surprising how some women get married, have children, and then, suddenly stop showing their husband affection, forgetting that he is also human. I can’t really blame women who do this because I believe it is mostly not deliberate. However, it is wrong and cannot be allowed to happen in any marriage. Having children should not stop you from loving your man the way you did before they came because when that happens, you’d be giving him a reason to look for the affection in another woman’s arms— and of course, you know what that can do to your marriage. Do not let the romance in your marriage fizzle out.
3. COMPARING YOUR HUSBAND TO OTHER MEN
Some women make this mistake too often. They either compare their husband to their father or ex lover, and it’s really sad. Nothing can make a man feel more inadequate than comparison to another man; it is very bad and devastates men. Your father is your father, and your ex, your ex. They and your husband are different people, both in thinking and approach to things. There should never be a reason to compare them. You have to understand that nobody is perfect; if your husband has flaws, talking to him about it, and trying to make him better is way more acceptable than open criticism and comparison to other men. It can destroy your marriage faster than you know. I know a man who threatened to annul his marriage because of something like this.
4. PRIORITIZING WORK BEFORE FAMILY (MARRIAGE)
If you’re only interested in pursing a career or goal, please, by all means, do it, and forget about marriage. You cannot serve two masters at the same time (used ‘masters’ purely for emphasis)— it’s either you’re with this or with the other. The implication of being overly career- minded is that you’ll dedicate more time to your job, business or career than you do for your husband (family), and that is not healthy. Eventually, your husband might grow tired of it all, and decide to look elsewhere for the attention you deny him.
There should always be a balance somewhere in between; strive to achieve it. Your job shouldn’t separate you from your husband and kids, it shouldn’t come before them. Jobs will come and go, but family always remain.
5. BELITTLING YOUR HUSBAND (EITHER BEFORE HIM OR OTHER PEOPLE)
There is nothing better than a woman who knows how to accord her man every respect due him, both before him and other people. Do not talk down on your husband or show him disrespect for any reason. He has an ego, you’d hurt it in doing so. Perform your duties as a wife and mother, and if your husband errs, talk to him about it before you overreact. Talking can solve more than you can imagine, but sadly, most times we don’t allow ourselves to think before acting. Do not allow this happen in your marriage; try to talk things over first, and if it fails, tell his parents instead. It shouldn’t degenerate to the point where you have to insult or talk him down. Do not take your marriage problems to your friends; it could get worse.
6. DENYING YOUR HUSBAND HIS CONJUGAL RIGHTS
Unless with good reason (and I mean, understandable reason), a woman shouldn’t ever have to refuse her husband sex and other privileges that come with marriage. He is your husband, and by reason of that, he’s entitled to having access to your body, just as you are entitled to his body. The only times when you don’t have sex should be with genuine excuse, and of course, mutual consent. I’ve seen women who refuse their husband sex for months for no good reason; this is bad and can drive your husband to cheat.
7. ENTERTAINING BAD COMPANY
Friendships are great, but not all of them are healthy for your marriage. There are friendships that can lead your marriage into troubled waters; it is your responsibility to filter them, and leave only the right ones.
As a married woman, you have no business keeping in touch with your Ex (es), you have no business being too friendly with every man, and you have no business being around women or ladies who lead an irresponsible lifestyle. All these can raise suspicions about your fidelity and commitment to your husband (marriage), and it can lead you into temptations you don’t want for the sake of your marriage.
Marriage involves sacrifices; you must be willing to do a lot of it for yours to succeed.
Finally, no marriage is ever successful with the effort of just one person — it always takes two to make it work. Both husbands and wives have roles to play in achieving this.
Drama