Hello fam, it\u2019s another Sunday and this is another Elcrema love special; my favourite column on Elcrema magazine. Don\u2019t act surprised cos it\u2019s also your favourite too; well it\u2019s my favourite because Sunday love special isn\u2019t just about entertainment; it encompasses lifestyle, it\u2019s informative and it\u2019s real cos it bothers around relationship issues.<\/p>\n
Now, to the question; can you marry someone your family doesn\u2019t approve? I\u2019d like to know your take on this really; my man Drama is on the YES side and I won\u2019t argue with him but I have my reservation. And I\u2019d also like to know what you feel about this because it\u2019s a serious issue Africans face and your opinion matters; it just might mean something to someone but most times we take the little things for granted (forgetting that the little things in life are the biggest of things).<\/p>\n
Now this is what Drama has to say about this.<\/p>\n
DRAMA<\/b><\/p>\n
Marriage is defined as a formal union between a man and a woman through which they become husband and wife. Mark the keywords there—\u2018a man and a woman\u2019, not \u2018a man, and a woman, and his (their) family\u2019.<\/p>\n
I acknowledge that family is important in in every human\u2019s life, you need family to be around you because they make you feel loved, and besides that, family can be one\u2019s only resource in times of need, but there comes a time in a man\u2019s life when he has to make arguably the single most important decision ever—settling down with a woman he considers his soul mate; a woman he loves. You do not expect his family to that for him, it should be a decision he makes himself.<\/p>\n
Marriage is not like the everyday\u2019 boyfriend-girlfriend relationship\u2019; the decision to marry is one that should be reserved solely for the parties directly involved—because eventually, they\u2019re the ones who get to be in it. They\u2019ll be the ones to suffer the bad times when they arise, as well as the good times. Whatever comes out of it, they are the ones who\u2019ll be at the receiving end of. So what if you let your family influence your marriage choice, and along the line, things get sour; what happens then? You play the blame game?<\/p>\n
When you find a woman who makes you happy, you should be able to freely settle down with her as your wife. In marriage, happiness is paramount. No one should be made to pass-up the chance at being with the person who makes them happy simply because people they consider family do not approve of him\/her. That is absurd.\u00a0 Family are supposed to be there for each other; be each other\u2019s backbone and support.\u00a0 Their only role in my life should be to support me, and accept the decisions I make, not make decisions for me. Marriage is a decision between two people and no outside party should enjoy the prerogative of influencing it. Even the Bible acknowledges this fact, and states: \u2018therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.\u2019—Genesis 2:4 (KJV).<\/p>\n
I will stop here, believing that I\u2019ve made a case for all who love and understand freewill. Freewill is priceless, and Marriage is special; if you allow your family to determine who you marry today, remember to also allow them have a say in how you run it, and the number of children you have tomorrow.<\/p>\n
That was Drama\u2019s opinion and I respect it but I beg to slightly differ.<\/p>\n
Click below to see Shawn\u2019s opinion<\/p>\n
SHAWN<\/b><\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know much about the American culture or the Indians or the Latinos or the Europeans or the Australians, but I know about the African culture and the African culture centres on family. Trust me, in Africa, you don\u2019t want your family to be against you. You need them and they also need you.<\/p>\n
Back to marriage; it\u2019s a union between you and your wife (that\u2019s the most important thing) but it doesn\u2019t end there; marriage is way bigger than seeing a lady, loving her and then settling down with her. If it was that easy then there would never be talks of divorce but divorce is all over the place because certain issues aren\u2019t treated with the caution they deserve.<\/p>\n
There is a popular saying in Africa, that what an elder can see while sitting, a child can never see even if he climbs the tallest iroko tree; and that\u2019s a wise saying to me. Your parents have been married, they know what marriage is all about; they know it\u2019s something even deeper than love, they know it\u2019s not always rosy, probably they didn\u2019t even enjoy their own marriage, maybe they just endured it because of the children (which includes you) and they don\u2019t want you making same mistakes. They might have seen things you wouldn\u2019t see before marriage because you are just a na\u00efve young person that\u2019s in love and that\u2019s all that matters to you.<\/p>\n
My opinion is, when your parents tell you \u201cchild, don\u2019t marry that guy or that lady\u201d, don\u2019t fight, don\u2019t argue but ask in the most polite way ever why you shouldn\u2019t marry such person; and tell them to be honest with you. If they give you reasons, work on it with your spouse, and then when you\u2019ve done that, go back to them, tell them how far you two have come and let them know that it\u2019s either that person or no one else. Make them see reasons with you that he\/she is the person of your dreams and you are worthless without them. Don\u2019t fight or argue with your parents, it would do no good; act mature. Remember, you are never bigger or older than your father\u2019s blessing and mother\u2019s too.<\/p>\n
More importantly, when your marriage is about hitting the rocks, your parents are the ones that would come to the fore; they would be the ones to give you guys advice that would bring you back to your feet. But when they don\u2019t approve and you go ahead to marry, then you won\u2019t even go to them because you would get the ever popular \u201cI told you so\u201d from them. Then maybe you decide to meet friends (that are young, hot blooded, na\u00efve and inexperienced like you) and they give you the advice you want to hear and \u2018kpoom\u2019 like a bomb, their advice takes your marriage to breaking point and the love of your life becomes the divorce of your life.<\/p>\n
Am I saying you should let your family pick your wife for you? No. Am I saying they must approve first? No. So what then am I saying? I\u2019m just saying that they are also very important and want what\u2019s best for you; your marriage can\u2019t be an island, you need your family. The rocky times would eventually come and sometimes all you need is a tap on the back from your dad saying \u201cit would be alright son\u201d.<\/p>\n
Have a lovely Sunday; from the Elcrema family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hello fam, it\u2019s another Sunday…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2525,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[854],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.elcrema.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2524"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.elcrema.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.elcrema.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.elcrema.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.elcrema.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2524"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.elcrema.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2524\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31675,"href":"https:\/\/www.elcrema.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2524\/revisions\/31675"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.elcrema.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2525"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.elcrema.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2524"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.elcrema.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2524"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.elcrema.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2524"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}