Welcome everyone to this Sunday’s edition of the Elcrema Sunday Love Special, and we’d be looking at a 21st century trend today — something that’s very common among many relationship partners — cohabiting before marriage.
Cohabiting before marriage is now a normal thing, and many see it as the serious of a relationship? But is it right? Is it healthy? Is it moral? Is it okay?
Drama and Shawn will tell us how they feel about cohabiting before marriage.
Drama
Cohabiting before marriage has negatives and positives, and what you get out of it is a direct product of who you’re with. What I’m trying to say is, it can be rewarding and equally disastrous if the person you’re with is not ready.
So I think it’s important to consider that before you move in with anyone. Some people want to date, but don’t know what it means to get married, because that is exactly what you do when you live together with your partner. You may not have done the marriage rites, but you’re married, and live like husband and wife. A person who isn’t mature enough for marriage and that level of commitment will be broken and discouraged from courting or even getting married if you co-habit with them because there’s so much that you learn about people when you stay together. You find out who a person truly is and what their true identities are when you live with them.
For some, it’s a good thing because they get to understand their potential spouse better and know how to treat them, while for others, it can change their feelings towards you, especially when they find out too much dirt on your personality. So it really goes both ways. It can help a relationship or marriage be stronger and more successful, and it can mean the end of it too. So it’s important to know who you date before you think of cohabiting with them.
If you’re dating someone who isn’t fully ready for that level of commitment just yet, or they’re just not mature enough for it just yet, then, you’re probably better off staying apart. A clear sign of people like this are those who don’t have an issue with not talking to you for as long as 2, 3 days or who show withdrawal signs when you get too close. If on the other hand, they are all over you, and they always seem to want to be with you, then, it’s a sign that they won’t have a problem with cohabiting. I also think it’s important to go at it gradually. Spend the night on occasions, and see what their reaction is, then you can know what the next move would be from there.
I honestly have no problems with cohabiting; I just think it depends on who you’re with, and what you’re looking for. Only people who plan on being together for the long haul should try it though.
Shawn
Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and what might be good for Mr A will not really augur well with Mr B. Cohabiting before marriage is a trend that has come to stay in the 21st century relationship world. You don’t need to look too far to find a couple who are staying together but aren’t married.
Personally, I find it flawed for so many reasons, but I’d share just two of my opinions.
Firstly, it takes away the spark of being married and starting a new family when you are already acting like you are married. Living together with your partner long before you even decide to tie the knots will be the same when (if) you eventually get married; there wouldn’t be any joy added or anything new, and if you aren’t careful the marriage might get stale too soon.
Secondly, cohabiting before marriage doesn’t give room for personal development. People who cohabit believe that they get to know more about their partners this way than when they stay apart, but I doubt it. Cohabiting with each other doesn’t give room for personal development; you might remain stuck and redundant when you cohabit with a partner. The more months and years you spend together, the less likely you get to build on your individual lives. Knowing how to be independent even when in a relationship is a strength that’ll help you in marriage. You ought to learn about each other and improve on your flaws during a relationship. But when you cohabit, you learn about each other but don’t have the space to improve on certain aspects of your life and the relationship.
You also don’t get to miss each other when you cohabit; you get so used to each other’s presence that you don’t look forward to life after marriage, because you are already experiencing it even though it’s unofficial. Cohabiting doesn’t bring that spark of “I’ve missed you”, and when you have lost this so early on, it might cause problems in the near future.
There you have it; Drama and Shawn have both revealed what they think about cohabiting before marriage. What’s your take on this subject?