SHOULD I GO BACK TO MY EX?

This is one question young people ask themselves on a regular basis, the answer to this question is very easy but most times people refuse to tell themselves the truth mostly due to selfish emotional reasons. Everyone has been faced with this situation of going back to their exes or not; do you want to know my take on that? It’s an absolute NO, and I’m sure some people would be quite uneasy with reading this. Let me give you some interesting stats; more than 92% of people who go back to their ex eventually break up not too long after (so what makes you feel you would be among the 8% that eventually works out), a recent study from University of Ontario also reveals that more than 88% of people always check their exes on Facebook after a break up (can I get a witness?). There are so many reasons not to go back to your ex but most times we let our emotions get the better of us, there is a popular saying “let bygones be bygones”, that is a fact. I bring you the best eight reasons you shouldn’t go back to your ex. Trust me, you won’t get it better anywhere else.

1. YOU ONLY WANT TO COME BACK FOR THE WRONG REASONS

When faced with the temptation of going back to an ex, the first question you should ask yourself is “why do I want to go back to him/her?” If you can answer this question honestly, you would easily make the best decision for yourself. But most times we cloud our mind, answer the questions wrongly and then rush back to an ex. If you can’t get a good answer to this question, then stay at home, there is actually no need to be in a rush; if the only answer you can think of are “I just miss him”, “I’m feeling so lonely”, “I miss his smile”, “awww, she was looking so hot in that picture”, “I bumped into him and he’s still so cute” and so on, then it’s better you remain single, those answers are worthless.

2. MOST TIMES IT IS THE PERSON WHO LOVES MORE THAT WANTS THE RE-UNION

When two people are in a relationship (especially one that has break-up tagged all over it), one person loves more than the other and after a break up, it is the one who loves more that pushes for a come-back. This is a fact, the person who loves less is reluctant and that means the so-called come back is just another break up in disguise. How then would the relationship last?

3. HAVE THE REASON FOR THE BREAK UP BEEN RESOLVED

This is the most important question to ask yourself before going back to an ex; most times people break up for the same reason twice. Before going back to an ex, you have to be sure that he/she has changed from the reason that led to a break up. If he was aggressive to you, what steps has he made to prove to you he’s a better man now? How are you sure he wouldn’t cheat again? (The only answer is, he told me so and that’s as good as no answer at all), If she has attitude issues, what steps has she made to correct or improve such bad attitude? These questions are real and have to be taken into consideration deeply before even thinking of a come-back. The heart is a very fragile object and takes time to heal from an emotional pain, so why hurry to put it at risk?

4. HOW WAS YOUR BOND

How the bond was when you guys were dating is another big question. If you guys were soul mates when dating, then maybe, just maybe you should give it another try (while being cautious though), but if it was just one of those relationships with loads of quarrels and stuffs, forget it. Another dicey thing here is knowing if your bond was even great because most times we lie to ourselves, disguise the lie to look like the truth and then believe it wholeheartedly. This really is technical.

5. HOW CHRONIC WAS THE PROBLEM

If the problem was a chronic one then I wonder what you’re doing having a re-think. Most times, the problems are recurring problems. If he/she had a habit that continually caused problems between you guys, it could be that he has no solution to help himself, so how can he then help you? It’s best you keep your distance if this was the case, because going back to him/her can be compared to a merry-go-round; you only go back and forth around the same position. There is no better definition of static than this.

6. MOST TIMES THE OFFENDED PARTNER DO NOT TRULY FORGIVE

If the person that was offended in the relationship actually does forgive then the relationship might be worth all the stress again but we are humans and can’t really forgive wholeheartedly. We always try to make sure certain things don’t happen again, we try to be very cautious and any relationship run on the wheels of cautiousness can be likened to a speeding lorry with a failed brake heading towards a mighty river. If statements like “this is exactly what you did the last time” spring up way too easily at every slight mistake then the relationship won’t last cause a partner is still having a grudge. We have to enjoy our relationships not endure it.

7. DOUBTS

Doubts are a terrible thing to have, when you have doubts about your ex it means you’re not sure and when you’re not sure it won’t work. This is another good reason not to thread the part of a dreaded come-back. The truth is when people break up, they tend to have a certain varying amount of doubts perfectly hidden in a secret part of their heart that can only be accessed by them; so do the maths here, imagine two people going into a relationship with doubts clouding their mind a little, it can be likened to a man walking on the expressway blindfolded; hilarious, right? But that’s the hard truth.

8. LADIES NEVER DO THIS

This advice is especially for the ladies, they should never go back to a man who hits her, he’s only passing one message, that he doesn’t value you. I always get shocked when I see a man beating up a lady, that is first class stupidity, but what shocks me more is seeing a lady that’s always beaten up her man still cling to him happily, now that’s foolishness on the highest order (and pleases don’t call it love).  No sane man would beat a lady he values, FACT.  Whenever I make this illustration to people, I always compare women to cars; a woman is like a man’s car, if the car is one rickety car he doesn’t value, he drives the car anyhow through the bad roads and through the good roads, he hits everything without minding but if it’s an average car, he drives it with a little more caution but if the car is a Ferrari 250 GTO worth loads of money, he won’t dare drive the car recklessly, he would hurt to see a dent on the car he values. And come on, a woman should be valued way more than the most expensive car in the world.

Finally people, a comeback relationship is like a cigarette, it’s unhealthy, it provides a false sense of calmness and it ends when the flame is over; the faster you smoke, the faster it ends.

Most break ups can be a blessing in disguise… you may eventually meet someone way better.

You can also read make that love last to avoid the dangers of breaking up.

Have a blessed day ahead.

shawn