CAN YOU MARRY SOMEONE YOUR FAMILY DOESN’T APPROVE OF?

SHAWN

I don’t know much about the American culture or the Indians or the Latinos or the Europeans or the Australians, but I know about the African culture and the African culture centres on family. Trust me, in Africa, you don’t want your family to be against you. You need them and they also need you.

Back to marriage; it’s a union between you and your wife (that’s the most important thing) but it doesn’t end there; marriage is way bigger than seeing a lady, loving her and then settling down with her. If it was that easy then there would never be talks of divorce but divorce is all over the place because certain issues aren’t treated with the caution they deserve.

There is a popular saying in Africa, that what an elder can see while sitting, a child can never see even if he climbs the tallest iroko tree; and that’s a wise saying to me. Your parents have been married, they know what marriage is all about; they know it’s something even deeper than love, they know it’s not always rosy, probably they didn’t even enjoy their own marriage, maybe they just endured it because of the children (which includes you) and they don’t want you making same mistakes. They might have seen things you wouldn’t see before marriage because you are just a naïve young person that’s in love and that’s all that matters to you.

My opinion is, when your parents tell you “child, don’t marry that guy or that lady”, don’t fight, don’t argue but ask in the most polite way ever why you shouldn’t marry such person; and tell them to be honest with you. If they give you reasons, work on it with your spouse, and then when you’ve done that, go back to them, tell them how far you two have come and let them know that it’s either that person or no one else. Make them see reasons with you that he/she is the person of your dreams and you are worthless without them. Don’t fight or argue with your parents, it would do no good; act mature. Remember, you are never bigger or older than your father’s blessing and mother’s too.

More importantly, when your marriage is about hitting the rocks, your parents are the ones that would come to the fore; they would be the ones to give you guys advice that would bring you back to your feet. But when they don’t approve and you go ahead to marry, then you won’t even go to them because you would get the ever popular “I told you so” from them. Then maybe you decide to meet friends (that are young, hot blooded, naïve and inexperienced like you) and they give you the advice you want to hear and ‘kpoom’ like a bomb, their advice takes your marriage to breaking point and the love of your life becomes the divorce of your life.

Am I saying you should let your family pick your wife for you? No. Am I saying they must approve first? No. So what then am I saying? I’m just saying that they are also very important and want what’s best for you; your marriage can’t be an island, you need your family. The rocky times would eventually come and sometimes all you need is a tap on the back from your dad saying “it would be alright son”.

Have a lovely Sunday; from the Elcrema family.

Loading...

1 Comment on "CAN YOU MARRY SOMEONE YOUR FAMILY DOESN’T APPROVE OF?"

  1. God bless you more EL CREMA.COM

Comments are closed.