It’s very normal to hear a lady say she doesn’t trust a man or men in general. Trust isn’t something that comes naturally, it needs a reason, it comes not just after an action but series of actions; meaning to gain someone’s trust you need continuity and consistency in those honest acts that you do and there should be little or no blemishes on your side to dampen the trust you’ve built. For women to trust men, it takes a lot which is why I did a topic on 6 ways you can gain a lady’s trust.
Easy as it may sound, it isn’t easy to gain a lady’s trust; it takes consistency in honesty to gain trust. Through that article, you now know how to gain a woman’s trust but it is as well important to know why women don’t really trust men.
I bring you five major reasons women don’t trust men.
1. MEN ARE NATURALLY PROMISCUOUS
It’s easier to fetch water with a basket than to find a man who isn’t promiscuous; sorry if I took the example too extreme but that is what ladies think of men to be honest and they have a reason to. Men are easily the promiscuous type; sticking to just one lady is really not in a man’s nature and little wonder why men who are 100% faithful are lauded by women. This is the first and major reason women don’t trust men— a man’s nature.
2. PAST EXPERIENCES
Yes, women are tied to past experience a whole lot. It’s like every lady out there has a heart break story to tell or a painful break up or the story of her man that just won’t stop cheating or the combination of all. Past experiences from their previous relationships have made women build a major distaste in their mind which makes them have little trust for their man.
3. YOU HAVEN’T GIVEN HER A REASON
A lady might love a man but still won’t trust him. This isn’t because she doesn’t want to but because he hasn’t given her a reason to. You don’t tell someone to trust you; you show someone reasons why you should be trusted not by your words but by your actions; and most times men don’t give women a reason to.
4. FRIENDS
One thing I’ve noticed is that women are firm believers of the saying “show me your friend and I would tell you who you are”. Men don’t necessarily believe in this but women do; if you keep friends that cheat then she won’t trust you because she believes if your friends cheat then you would cheat also; it’s a case of birds of a feather to them.
5. DISHONESTY AND THE FLIRTY TYPE
If you are dishonest in your ways, you lie a lot and you are the flirty type then you won’t give her a reason to trust you. You can’t keep flirting around and expect her to trust you. Even if you don’t get caught, if you are dishonest in your ways, you definitely won’t have your lady trusting you.
Trust can’t be built in a day but it can be lost in a day; that’s what trust means to people. The issue is a very delicate one; and like I said in the previous article on trust, if you have a man that you can trust, value him.
Shawn
Many thanks for the first aticle, on the 5 major reasons women don’t trust men. It real that these are reason men are not trusted by women.
if I ask a question about another woman and I get an evasive answer, then i cannot trust a man.
This is spot on!!!
Men who say they are naturally, biologically, or born to be promiscuous are using an excuse. You have a brain. You can say no. EVERYTHING is a choice on this Earth (well, at least in first world countries), from the color of your bath mats to the whether you want cheese on your broccoli this upcoming dinner. Your dick doesn’t control your life, your brain does.
I always die when someone says men are born cheaters, it’s literally giving them the excuse that men CAN CHEAT. Such bull.
Wow, this is one of the worst pieces I’ve read. It maybe says more about the author. Let’s take it one by one. Men are naturally promiscuous? Some women are naturally promiscuous. They certainly seem to me to be. I know many monogamous men. Remember the movie “Someone like You” with ashley Judd? She compared men to bulls because she was looking for a reason why men dumped her. I know many long married happy couples so that reason is bunk.
2. Past experiences? Sure that is true. At the same time women have to take responsibility for both their past experiences (they were the ones that chose to have them) as well as moving on. Like number one, this cuts through both genders. People (men and women) don’t want others with baggage. Scars are ok. Scars are not baggage. I personally don’t care if a woman’s slept with 1 or 100 men before me- as long as she is healthy and fresh, but if those former men created baggage in her, then I care, because that affects me directly. Maybe it’s not a good idea for women to have so many partners. Maybe there’s a reason men preferred virgins or women with fewer partners. I don’t care about that, but I care about fresh mental attitude of women, who is capable of bonding to me- as if I’m the first and only.
Also about past experiences- we all have karma, blessing and curses not just from ourselves but from our nations and families. I’ve lived oversease. There’s so much more natural trust, even in places like Germany and even moreso Turkey, between men and women. I could cut it with a knife the contrast was stark, and coming back to my own home town people trusted me SO much less, and I didn’t change. So I feel like the modern US and maybe the whole Anglo-saxon world is cursed when it comes to relationships and gender harmony that we have to overcome as individuals. We have to break the spell, break the bad karma. I don’t feel this is normal. I don’t feel trust has to be earned, not the baseline trust. There’s two trusts- the baseline presumed trust and then the trust that you can be close to someone. I feel like there’s not enough baseline. I come from a smaller sized town though and now live in a bigger city.
As to the rest, flirty, haven’t given her a reason- I get it. Here’s what’s hard for me. I”m looking for solutions. People including women and men and dating coaches have told me I’m physically attractive. I’m tall well groomed. I’m getting better at stuff. I just got a good job which I’m about to start. I’m mid 30s. I’m not here to complain or seek pity but I’ve never been in a real relationship. I was fine with it for a while but now I’m starting to get concerned. People have had more relationship experience than me in their early 20s. That’s ok. I have a lot going on- bought my first house, starting my first real career job. I’ve always liked to work, but never had a career job. Getting really fit for the first time. I know things can change swift when the time comes, but I’ve read up so much on dating advice over the years. I’ve read everything I could think of. I’m no virgin but sex is random and rare- like once per year. Does that mean I’m promiscuous cause I’ve slept with around 10 partners? I just take what I can get, I’d lady trade any one of those for a long term relationship so I can be with the same woman. Why and how did this happen?
Here’s the deal. A girl I’ve been on 4 dates with told me over email she likes me as friend and wants to meet for coffee again. I’m fine with that, friend. Hell I like true friends. If when a woman says “let’s just be friends’, I think, alright. That’s not bad, on one condition- if she behaves like a true friend. I like to benefit my friends. I expect a little back to me, the same, appreciation and courtesy, and she is that, so I am happy. I don’t like fakers, she is not. Ok but I found out she thinks I want more (heaven forbid!!). Well I never told her that. I’ve learned to not verbalize that you love someone or want more. I learned its better to show it with actions and Doc Love says challenge. Let them come to you. Anyway I’m not like that. I’m not gonna get all mushy on her, but I am a gentleman. The point is this:
She didn’t trust me. Why would me liking someone make them not trust me? That seems to suggest there is some damage in them or at least illogical. I’m not here to judge, but that’s what it seems like. It makes sense though that they just don’t trust me. They don’t trust I have self-control, they don’t trust I have honor. This stuff hurts. I’m old fashioned, not christian, but old fashioned nonetheless. I’m old stock. So anyway this applies to every other woman who created distance. So often I’ve had the experience of making friends, and then distance seems to get created. I don’t know why. I can’t control my interest and whether my eyes dilate or my voice gets excited. I always control my behavior, but I can’t control all my body language. So my high interest I guess creates mistrust and scares them away.
When a woman is open to me, I am happy. I know she trusts me.
So this trust issue explains so many things. It explains why all the game and female nature and human nature and stuff I read that is true, works yet doesn’t work. It works but fails when there is no trust, because if she doesn’t trust, it doesn’t work.
It explains why all my friends form high school and college growing up, who didn’t read half of what I read, who didn’t experiment with dealing with people, who didn’t try so hard, all have married and had kids. They had the one thing I didn’t have, the trust of her.
It explains why I get so angry and raged sometimes- yes sometimes, not often but sometimes, as well as depressed, yet despite my rage and frustration nothing bad comes of it, because I am trustworthy. It’s a paradox, I get hurt that I’m not trusted and they create distance, when I think I’m worthy, and yet precisely because I am not the kind of guy that is untrustworthy, I don’t harass them or anything. That would only prove them right. Arggh it’s so hard. You don’t understand women, how hard it is to be a good man who is not trusted. I think I am a good man. I am not perfect. I need to know how to build trust. I don’t think about women that much actually, but when I do, it’s at night when I’m alone with my right hand or suffering from a friend who just created distance, or when I’m thinking about my friends from overseas who still keep in touch and are super warm to me.
I can’t prove to any of you I am worthy of trust. I know it takes time, but when friends you have spoken to a lot and were formerly open to you suddenly distance themselves it is aggravating and demoralizing.
I never know how I stand. I am obsessing sure. The problem is with me, not with you or women.
The problem is I have searched myself. I will continue to search myself and I am still coming up empty, without solution.
I will continue to go my own way, say fuck women if they can’t trust me.
I will continue to try find ways. Maybe I am under-communicating. I used to over-communicate. Maybe now I am under-communicating. We’ll see.
Maybe women mistrust acts of guys which are nice and sincere, because they may make the woman think there is an ulterior motive. Maybe they trust, on the flip side, jerky behavior, because even if they don’t like it, they presume the guy is being sincere, because what guy would fake being a jerk? I think I have solved it. Women don’t want jerks but if they are so bad at trusting men, they see jerk behavior as honest behavior, even if the nice behavior is since and the jerk behavior is not. I don’ t usually think about nice guys versus jerk. I’m both and neither. I only bring it up because I may have just decoded it, that it is a trust issue.
I know it’s a trust issue with me now, because I love LOVE when a woman opens to me. When a woman is open to me, she is talking fast and freely and that solves all the communication BS, and trust is the main thing that cause women to close.
If I go to a random woman, unless I’m really feeling it in my gut 100 % and can convey that, and I say “You look really nice today” she will probably hate me and get annoyed and think I’m a liar. If I say you look bad today, she will trust me. This is why douchbags get more initial trust. I don’t like to categorize men. half the jerks are just men who struggled and it’s not fair to call them bitter (how can you if they get women!), but if they are true jerks, they can’t keep women and I’ve seen that. The women get unhappy. And I have confidence in the bedroom even if I am not always a jerk. But it’s a trust issue. And I bring it back home with all the national karma and baggage.
I’m sorry but I next women with trust issues. I have no other choice. Ultimately we take what the market offers. If it’s just a shitty market, it’s a shitty market. I can always work on increasing my market value. As a man I have great power to do that. As women, though, you do too and you don’t realize it. Work on being more trusting. Related to that is more discerning, because if you can discern, you can know who to trust, and I think you get it wrong, so wrong so often with discernment. But you have A LOT you can do to increase your market value, besides just getting in shape, and one of those things is being trusting. Hell, if you are happy with what the market offers you, just ignore my advice. For me I’m looking for a woman who trusts me, and for ways to help make a woman trust me.
My man had an affair with a lady for 1 year and 2 months and then hy told me thats its over between us and then i ask him why he wants to leave me after 17 years that we are togerther then he said ok i’ ll think about it and then the next day he came home to tell and he desision was and he stayed with me and our daugther , ok but then on teusday nigth i found another girl on his phone and then he started hitting me to give his phone and then he said they have chatting for 1 month and 1 week so how can i trust him again please help me i dont want to lose him because i love him very much he is the love of my life please help me …..
Sylvia Butcher, you need to GET AWAY from that man AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Think of your daughter, who will be RUINED forever by this man. He may be her biological father, but he is going to end up being a thorn in her side!! She will repeat your mistakes and get involved with men who will mistreat HER! Lead by example and GET AWAY. Call your local battered women’s shelter. Stop degrading your life and the life of your daughter with this poor excuse for a partner!!!
And I agree- saying a man “can’t help” cheating is a bunch of CRAP. It is another entitlement attitude that men take to justify their cowardly actions.