Bad habits can be compared to a termite in a carpenter’s shop; slowly and surely if not taken care of the termite would eat down the woods of the carpenter. The termite is quite tricky as its size would deceive you of what it can actually do. Like a termite, a bad habit might look small but in reality it would totally destroy your relationship and should be given no room to grow.
Not too long ago, I did a piece on 9 bad habits couples are guilty of and in that piece I listed lies, nagging, not accepting your wrongs and a host of other things that are common bad habits in relationships. Stating those habits and not explaining how to get rid of them could just be a case of words without action, and that led me to working on how to end your bad relationship habits.
7 ways you can end that bad relationship habit:
1. SPOT THE HABIT
You cannot stop something that you haven’t spotted. There is no trick, magic or shortcut to this; if you can’t spot that bad habit then you wouldn’t even know what you are supposed to stop. If you try to be honest with yourself you can actually spot those bad habits —first, by listening; if you listen to your partner and your partner’s complains about you then that’s probably your bad habit. You can also spot your bad habit if you actually ask your partner to be honest with you and tell you what you are probably doing wrong in the relationship, and from there you can spot your bad relationship habits.
2. ADMIT YOU HAVE IT
Spotting the habit is the first step and admitting it is the second bold step. From what you have garnered from your partner, analyse your mistakes without bias and then admit the things you feel you actually do wrong because only in admitting a bad habit can you finally go on to breaking it—admittance shows will.
3. CREATE A CONSCIOUSNESS OF THOSE HABITS
Okay, you have spotted and admitted to having bad relationship habits; that’s nice and deserves commendation but it definitely doesn’t end there—it actually just starts. You have to create the consciousness that you have the desire to break that bad habit: write it in your diary or your computer or phone or anything you use daily; write the bad habit and read to yourself every day that you are going to stop that habit. By this, you would create that consciousness of that bad habit and when you are so conscious of yourself then can you take control.
4. REPLACE THE HABIT WITH A PLACEHOLDER
After creating that consciousness of the bad habit you are fond of, try to replace it with something new and positive. For example, if you have a bad habit of hitting your lady (which is a very terrible relationship habit), when the urge comes up to hit her, you can go into your room, be alone and listen to some soft musicals—I’d recommend jazz; it heals the soul.
5. TAKE STOCK
Give yourself a time frame and record how well or how little you have achieved. For example, if the bad habit you spotted was anger, after a 30 day period, evaluate yourself and check how many times you got angry within that period. If you didn’t improve much, don’t give up, give yourself another 30 days and become even more determined this time.
6. LET YOUR PARTNER HELP
You probably can’t do it alone, let your partner help you—tell your partner about your intentions and your partner would cut you some slack and probably help you in breaking those habits. If you can listen deeply to your partner, be more understanding and study your partner’s body language, you can even create a firewall to those habits through this.
7. BE PATIENT
A bad habit didn’t start immediately; it grew within you stage by stage till it became a part of you so you can’t stop it so easy as well. So do not give yourself unrealistic targets; behavioural conditioning goes even down to conditioning the mind and stuffs like that takes time. So be patient and don’t give up.
If you have the will or desire, there is no bad habit you can’t stop in your relationship. Remember, hitting your lady, nagging, abusing, lies and dishonesty, unfaithfulness are all bad relationship habits. Bad habits are termites—stop those termites in your relationship.