The sexual life of many couple is stale, boring and incompatible. Many couples don’t have that exciting sex life, and it’s not down to lack of trying, but being unaware of certain things that should be done.
The sex life of many partners die over time, but a 2016 research has found that there are ways that couples can sustain–or relight their passion.
In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Gurit Birnbaum and co-author Harry Reis, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, report that responsiveness outside of the bedroom is a good tool to keeping your sex life exciting.
As part of the study, the researchers conducted three experiments, one of which consisted of 100 couples who kept a diary for six weeks. Both partners reported on their own level of sexual desire each day as well as their perceptions of their partner’s responsiveness. They also reported their own levels of feeling special and perceptions of their partner’s mate value.
The results indicated that when men and women perceive their partners as responsive, they feel special and think of their partner as a valuable mate, which boosted sexual desirability.
“Our research shows that partners who are responsive to each other outside the bedroom are able to maintain their sexual desire,” says Gurit Birnbaum, psychology professor at the Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) in Herzliya, Israel. Birnbaum and her coauthors also found that women’s desire is more strongly affected by their partner’s responsiveness than men’s desire–although men report a boost, as well.
“Responsiveness–which is a type of intimacy–is so important in a relationship because it signals that one is really concerned with the welfare of the other, but in a way that is truly open and informed about what the other cares about and wants,” says Birnbaum.
Responsive partners are willing to invest resources in the relationship, and show understanding at a deep level. They make the relationship feel special–that their relationship is unique–which is, at least in Western societies, what people seek from their romantic relationships.